The Transformation Cycle: Square 1
Hi Sweet Community,
Outside my house, a small patch of milkweed grows. And where there’s milkweed, there are monarchs - eggs, caterpillars, and all the promise of transformation right on the edge of our driveway. My family and I have gotten used to checking the milkweed as we come and go, greeting these tiny travelers on their way to becoming something astonishing.
A couple of weeks ago, as the weather began to cool here in Northern California, I noticed one lone caterpillar clinging to a stalk of milkweed. I felt like this little critter wouldn’t make it on its own. As a parent of small children, I’ve turned our front porch into a safe haven for caterpillars over the years - a place where they can grow without threat of a predator and eventually form their chrysalis before we release them back into the wild. So we brought this beautiful creature to our front porch and have been watching, day by day, as it crawls, rests, dissolves, and prepares to become its next version.
It’s hard not to see the metaphor in all of this. Growth. Change. Breakdown. Breakthrough. Loss. Creation. Those who’ve coached with me know that the life cycle of a butterfly is one of the most powerful frameworks I use - what my teacher, Martha Beck, calls The Transformation Cycle.
Today, I want to focus on just one phase: Square 1.
Square 1 begins with a catalytic event - marriage, divorce, birth, loss, a new job, an unexpected ending, even something as simple as your favorite restaurant closing. Something shifts, and the old version of you dissolves. Your identity morphs. The world feels like it’s falling apart. This is the “caterpillar soup” stage - the moment when who you were is no longer, and who you will be is not yet formed.
And in this phase, the instructions are simple:
*Take it one day at a time, one hour, or even one minute if that’s all you can manage.
* Stay present.
* Cocoon.
* Wrap yourself in warmth and gentleness.
* Talk to others who’ve been through it.
* Let yourself grieve.
I promise: you will emerge. A new version of you is already forming, even if you can’t see it yet.
Over the past few weeks, as I’ve watched this little caterpillar begin its transition, something else has come into focus. Most days when I return home, I find our tiny chrysalis being watched over by a few elders - monarch butterflies who’ve already completed this transformation, fluttering around as if to guard and encourage this next generation.
And it’s made me think deeply about the world we’re all living in right now.
We, too, are in a time of collective transition - globally, socially, spiritually. So much is dissolving. So much is reshaping. And maybe, just like the monarchs, we aren’t meant to do it alone.
What if our re-formation depends on how we watch over one another?
What if leaning into community - our angels, guides, elders, friends, neighbors - the very thing that makes transformation possible?
What if support is not a luxury, but a biological requirement for becoming who we’re meant to be?
I’ll write more this week on the other phases of the Transformation Cycle. But for now, I’m convinced of one thing: The monarchs are showing us the way. We become by holding one another through the becoming.
I hope during this holiday season - when coming together with loved ones can be tricky - that you can find the people, the chosen family who ease your transition.