Becoming a Master Coach and the Doubt That Followed
I did a thing!
After months of deep work and practice, I officially graduated as a Wayfinder Master Coach last Saturday.
This training is no small thing. It’s the kind of experience that stretches you to your limits both as a coach and personally. Not only do you hone your coaching skills and practice in front of trusted mentors and peers, but you also get the incredible honor of being taught directly by Martha Beck herself.
If you don’t know Martha, she’s a several-time New York Times best-selling author and, as NPR once said, “the best known life coach in the USA”. She is every bit as wise, intuitive, approachable, funny, and kind as you’d imagine.
But here’s what I didn’t expect to feel at the end of the training: Like a fraud. While it’s true that I have a fancy new emblem to adorn my website and signature, there is also an immense feeling of doubt:
Doubt that I can grow my coaching business into what I want it to be.
Doubt that I’m any good at this.
Doubt that I’ve genuinely been of service to my beloved clients.
Doubt that I’ve done enough work on myself to be able to guide others.
Just. Plain. Doubt.
I have seen Master Coaches at work. They are forces of nature who know how to ask two questions that somehow pierce to the heart of your being and begin to heal you. How dare I think I can stand beside those giants?
The Truth About Doubt
Have any of you ever felt like that? No matter how long you’ve been doing what you’re doing -whether it’s coaching, parenting, teaching, creating, selling - there’s still a little voice inside that whispers “You’re not as good as you should be?”.
As someone who grew up with undiagnosed ADHD, one of my sticky and oldest limiting beliefs is:
“I’m not good, smart, or worthy, or enough”.
In my childhood home, I was often called “scatterbrained” or “Headless Harry”. In school, I struggled to focus in class, and teachers would report back to my mom, “She’s bright, but she doesn’t apply herself.” I felt like I was trying hard, but there was a lot I just didn’t understand because of my attention span. When my report cards came back with mediocre grades, the message was loud and clear: “not good enough.”
What I Do Now:
That thought carried me through college, my production career, and yes, even now in my work as a Master Coach. Luckily, because of my fancy new title, I have a toolbox full of ways to combat these false voices in my brain. So when this persistent thought comes up, here is what I do now:
Recognize the Feeling: After I shared my final projects and graduated on Saturday, I sat in silence for 10 minutes. The doubt came rushing in, and I noticed it. I felt sad, frustrated, and defeated. I started thinking about all the ways my coaching career was NOT:
I was NOT a public speaker yet.
I do NOT have a NYT Best Selling Book yet.
I do NOT run a men’s group for dads who feel stuck in their lives.
Mind you, these are goals - just goals that haven’t happened yet.
Stay Present: A past version of myself would have distracted myself by getting back to my duties as a mom, watching TV, or doing my favorite distraction: The New York Times Crossword. But this time, I stayed. I let the feeling wash over me. I noticed I had a pit in my stomach, tightness in my shoulders, and an ache in my chest. I didn’t try to fix it. I just let it be.
Get Curious: Once I sat in the yuck of the feeling, I got curious. What belief is fueling these feelings? What do I have to let go of to live into the Master Coach I know I am? The unconscious answer that came as a surprise: I believe I need to play small.
Love: Once I saw the belief, I met it with kindness. I grabbed a glass of water, wrapped myself up in a warm blanket, and made myself a cup of tea. I whisper to that scared little part of me, “Thank you for trying to keep me safe. You don’t have to work so hard anymore”.
The Integration:
A few days have passed, and I can feel that imposter feeling starting to soften. I didn’t try to make it go away—it’s just integrating. I am just living with it when it comes up. And I’m reminding that little part of me:
“Look how far you’ve come, sweet one.”
A Master’s Degree
Four coaching certifications
A 24-year career in production
Two Children are being raised with love
Coaching Clients who trust you
Still Finding Time for the New York Times Crossword
If that’s not a Master Coach, I don’t know what is.